The Self-Driven Child
Helping parents raise kids with healthy motivation and resilience in facing life's challenges. Oh, and having more fun while doing it!
The Self-Driven Child
Lessons on Self-Directed Learning with "Adventure Kaity!" Part 2
Welcome back to the Self Driven Child Podcast! In this episode, we're continuing our incredible conversation with Kaity Broadbent, head of learning at Prenda. Kaity's insights into creating nurturing learning environments are game-changing, and in this second part, we dive even deeper. We discuss the importance of relatedness, competence, and autonomy in child development and how these principles can transform both home and school settings. Kaity's passion and wisdom are truly inspiring—this is an episode you don't want to miss!
Kaity shares profound stories and practical strategies for parents and educators to foster a supportive environment where children can thrive. We explore the impact of adult-child relationships on brain development, the power of empathy, and the importance of giving kids autonomy.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] - Introduction to the episode and recap of Part 1 with Kaity Broadbent.
[00:55] - Kaity shares an analogy about creating nurturing environments for children.
[02:25] - The impact of unconditional positive regard on children's brain development.
[06:31] - Kaity's unique exercise with educators to highlight the importance of empathy and positive reinforcement.
[08:53] - Discussion on common but ineffective methods used to motivate children.
[10:03] - The role of stress and how it affects children's learning and behavior.
[12:57] - How comparing children to others and using rewards/punishments can backfire.
[16:26] - Strategies for parents to help their children navigate less supportive learning environments.
[18:23] - The significance of having at least one caring adult in a child's life.
[20:50] - Kaity's personal story about the importance of merit-based approval and its effects.
[24:01] - The difference between common and normal behavior in children and how to support them.
[29:58] - Where to follow Kaity Broadbent and learn more about Prenda.
Links & Resources:
Prenda Micro-Schools: https://www.prenda.com/
Social Media: @PrendaLearn
KindlED Podcast: https://www.prenda.com/kindled
If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
Gordon Neufeld says what is common is not actually normal. There's kind of an analogy I like to use if we're all a bunch of adults standing along a riverbank, and we're all scooping up a fish, and we're holding the fish out of the water. And the fish are either like fighting really hard or like maybe some of them have just kind of given up in their limp. And we're all thinking like, is this normal? And so we're looking down the river at all of the other adults holding fish out of water. They're like, yeah, minds doing that, too. That's normal. It's like, oh, no, no, this is common. Because we've taken the fish out of the water, we're not giving them relatedness, competence and autonomy, and they've either given up, or they're fighting really hard to get back in the water. And we're thinking, Oh, that's must be normal teenage behavior. But it's not, we really need to put the back in the water, make sure that our learning environments that we're putting them in, and the homes that we're creating for them, are really nurturing those three aspects, and then they won't fight and they won't give up, and they'll be able to actually progress or swim.
Ned Johnson:Welcome to the self driven child podcast. I'm your host, Ned Johnson, and co author with Dr. Williams pictured of the books, the self driven child, the science and sense of giving your kids more control over their lives. And what do you say, how to talk with kids to build motivation, stress tolerance, and a happy home. If you're a parent, you want to talk with your kids in ways that make them feel loved unconditionally, and safe and trusted. But also, seriously, people we have got to get our act together, we cannot miss the bus again. If you're a teacher, you want your students to feel seen and valued and known. But also we got a lot of stuff we got to get done. Do you know what we have to do by the end of the semester? It isn't easy. Which is why I'm thrilled to bring to you this conversation with Katie Broadbent, head of learning for a wonderful organization called Prentice Scholes. She's also a teacher, a parent, a brilliant mind, what a great conversation she had with me. So much wisdom. In fact, we had to break this up into two parts. She's really incredible. I learned so much from her. I'm Ned Johnson. And this is the self driven child podcast. In your experience, what happens then? When children don't feel that unconditional? positive regard? What have you seen or learned? I mean, we can all guess, but what would you often? Yeah,
Kaity Broadbent:so essentially, what happens is that their brain is constantly looking for safety cues in their environment, and does this adult who is responsible for my care and protection, care about me and like me, is a big safety cue. And so if they're constantly getting the, my teacher hates me, or is not glad I'm here feeling that's going to trigger their sympathetic nervous system, and they're going to be in some sort of arousal state that that is like fight flight freeze, which means that their prefrontal cortex is not going to be online, which means that they're not going to be able to do the things that would make that teacher like them, like sit still and listen, right? So it's just this this big loop. And that actually, I mean, you can talk more about this than I can, like really changes the architecture of how the brain is developed. And there are some really long lasting effects of of this, and especially if that child does not, it's, if that child does not have that also at home, we're in big trouble. If they have it at home, they can usually do what's called Bridging where it's like they can bridge that attachment for while they're at school. And they can weather the storm of not being liked at school by adults, because they're liked by adults at home. But if they don't have both when the brain is in, in pretty significant toxic or chronic stress, which is not conducive to learning.
Ned Johnson:And one thing to add to that is that when children enter early adolescence, of course, we start to see changes in their bodies, but they're also pretty significant changes in the brains. And one change that's worth noting is there's an uptick, if you will, in what's called the nucleus accumbens, which is all about approval, social approval. And the idea is that 100,000 years ago, you know, particularly a girl can't hang out in the tribe or clan that she grew up in, and have a family and have children because we end up with ever shrinking genetic diversity gene pool, right? So that's not going to be good thing. So they get thrown out. And so literally, young women would have to then go find their tribe, you know, figuratively in this case, now, literally, in this case, no figure is a teen and so when when they don't feel their connection, it feels existentially threatening, and so this is why we can all reflect back on middle school that arguably the most stressful thing you experiences you walk into walk into the cafeteria is like, I have nobody to sit with terrifying and so to your point, if they have a secure attachment at home, that can allow them to weather you know, an insecure attachment in the classroom at school. It's also why teens 10 To care, they're willing to put up with a teacher thinking they're complete knuckleheads which they might be. Because their approval of peers matters a whole lot more than what the teacher is because the teacher isn't gonna protect them as it were. In social situations, when there's not a teacher, though, that's not the way you get to feel safe, you get safe having that connection of your of your group who whatever that is. And I think it'd be hard for adults to remember, you know, what that felt like, and how kids are really wired. And TierPoint actually wiring their brains. You know, the ideal learning environment is one where kids are alert, but relaxed, they're cheap. They're high challenge, low threat. But most students feel just the opposite. There's actually a big study out of Yale about a year ago, that 70 75% of kids were both bored and stressed. Not watching. That is not the zone of proximal development does not know I want to share, folks, you're gonna love this. So Katie, helps educators learn how to educate and get better at the work that they're doing. And helping kids get better the work that they're doing, right? You had, I don't know how to set this up. You had an opportunity, a retreat with a bunch of fellow educators to help them master their craft of teaching. And sometimes we do that with direct instruction. And sometimes we do this with exercise, and even things that kind of resemble play. Can you talk about the opportunity that you presented?
Kaity Broadbent:Yes, I would love to Yeah, so we support hundreds of microscopes all over the country. And so once a year, we bring our guides together, and we do something called print a con, it's very nerdy. But for this year, for printer con experience, we I mean, we have lectures, we do professional development. But this was meant to just be like a fun kind of brain break. But I decided to turn it into kind of like a empathy social experiment almost. So we've got a bunch of front of guides, educators who are just told like you're going to do an escape room, essentially. And we've, we've built like many escape room kits, like in backpacks, right? So they have their groups of five to eight other educators. And they have one hour to try to, they unzip these backpacks, there's different layers, like an English binder, and a math binder astronomy binder, like all of these school subjects, and their their job is to figure out a six digit code that will unlock someone's computer. So my counterpart, and I will well we kind of play good cop, bad cop. So there's like 10 groups and an hour. And so I just started going around, treating those learners those students in a way that is very common for teachers and parents to treat kids, while my counterpart went around and treated them in a profoundly respectful empowering way, right. So I'll give you some examples. I have like a whole list of things that we commonly do to kids to we think this is going to make them work harder, this is going to help them right, we do all these things with such good intent. But then when you experience them as an adult in your body, which is foreign, because as an adult, right, like you have your autonomy, like you're not used to people to speaking down to you. And we don't have a lot of really recent memories, like in memory, I don't just mean like a thought but like actual an actual visceral feeling in your body of how it feels to be publicly embarrassed, or what time pressure feels like or what shame feels like, right? Because as an adult, you're able to protect yourself from those things largely. So for example, in our little experiment, the first thing I do is I compare them to others. I'll make some little comment that's like, Oh, you guys are only this far along. Like it's been seven minutes already, like the other groups are way ahead of you guys. And they're like, oh, no, really like, oh, shoot, like, you know, that puts them into a panic. Their nervous systems are alerted, you know, that takes their thinking offline even more, you know, so I'm just kind of like, edging
Ned Johnson:Sonya Lupien whose work we love so much talks about what makes people nuts. Right? Yeah. And so T is perceived threat and you know, pre pre COVID And now post COVID Most of us don't have physical threats in our life pretty good as adults, but really that threat to ego which is so such a part of learning, right. And I was just presenting on your corn the world this weekend and saying, arguably one of the most stressful things that children experience and the probably adults listening to this who can recall of if you did not have early fluency as a reader, and it was first grade or second grade, and say Katie, can you please read the next in the next three sentence and you go on because you're the fluent reader. And I don't have that skill yet. And I sit there and I'm sounding out words and I'm struggling over them and you're over there as you know, maybe not you but snicker or either I just worried that you are Yeah. Then of course my ability really goes out the window because my working memory is so completely hijacked. And so I love this because your point about being such a visceral reaction is exactly right. One that one that's helpful to be reminded of if you're trying to help kids anyway.
Kaity Broadbent:Yeah, real quick tangent. So I am adventurer Kate, I love literacy. But I was actually not a very strong reader. And I remember being in high school going around like, we were like reading some textbooks and everyone and I was counting the order of kids so that I could count my number of paragraphs and start reading my paragraph ahead of time. So I would be have extra time and like the panic that I felt like, I am not going to look smart here. And I have been programmed to think that my smartness, which means my reading fluency, which means my math fluency, like all these things, determines my value in this society. And I wish that were alive, but it is, right like, those are the kids who are seen as winners, our educational system is very divisive. It's winners and losers. And we have all sorts of different visual aids that we use, like, you know, just a classic, everyone's name and a red, yellow green card. It's like, oh, everyone else is on green, except Katie, Katie, you're yellow. And so we're all making a social judgement, right now that everyone can see that you're a yellow kid. And if you don't get in line, you're gonna be a red kid. And that is something you would never do it to an adult, right, but we do it to kids all the time. And it really causes a high degree of panic, because as an adult, you aren't actually dependent on other people's value our opinion of you for your survival. But a child literally is, I love
Ned Johnson:that if you really simplify that the idea that telling children that they're behind is the way to help them catch up.
Kaity Broadbent:It's crazy. And we have a lot of conversations, like we're very transparent with kids about their data. And so they know that they're in third grade, and we tell them like, yeah, like, your skills. Like, I wish that the tools that we use to communicate, this didn't tell you like, and you're actually reading at a first grade level. But we actually do tell them that. And we or we also say this is made up, you know, like, this isn't we don't agree with this. It's just like, this is just information about where you're at. And then they have to develop the emotional bandwidth be like, and I'm still valuable, and you are a part of our community. And we're glad you're here and we don't care. And we just at prenda we say everyone runs their own race, we'll have 10 kids around a kitchen table, all different ages, different grades, learning at different levels in different subjects, and everyone's just running their own race. And we just take that that issue completely off the table. I love it. Okay, so that's the comparison to others. Okay, so then the next thing I do is just walk around, and I accused them of being lazy, just like, hey, I it just sounds like wow, you guys been doing? Yeah, it's just like, hey, focus up, right. Like, I think if you guys just would get focused, I think you guys could do this. But like, I don't know what you're doing, right? I just insinuate that they're lazy. And they're just like, who are you? Why are you doing this to us? But how often do we do that to kids? Right? It's like, well, if you just got your head in the game reminder,
Ned Johnson:that official title is Chief empowerment officer.
Kaity Broadbent:Exactly. And typically, when we've done this, I've just I've just given some big talk about unconditional positive regard and like being super positive. So they're just like, What is going on? So then the next time I go around, I'm like, if you figure this stuff out, I will give you all candy. And just like, do just like some little stupid reward. And they're like, how disrespectful you know, and then the next time I come around, and like, Hey, I just, you know, the person that's running the conference, like, they just let me know that the last place people were going to take away their swag, like your shirt and your bag, like, we're going to take that away from you. And they're like, so we're like playing with punish how punishments and rewards Does that motivate you? Does that just make you mad at me? Like, essentially, it's not effective. But that is all we think about, like how am I as an adult gonna motivate this kid? I know, what are they going to run for? What are they going to run away from? Right? That's those are like pretty much our we have carrots and sticks. That's all that's as creative as we've gotten all of these things that we do without thinking to kids.
Ned Johnson:And so is this as eye opening to folks as I would hope? Yes,
Kaity Broadbent:it is actually astounding. So we have this little debrief after and I just say if I asked you if I Katie asked any of you to do anything for me right now, would you do it? And like no hands? And then my counterpart who is being positive with them? Like what if she asked you to do something? You know, like, yes, there would be obedience and compliance for her, but not for me. Right? So it's just gives them such an awareness of how how powerful that adult child relationship is, and how many of the cards they're really holding in that child's life, and how to be a little bit more empathetic. And like when when you know, when a kid's struggling in math, and you come over and like they're saying like, they're in tears, they're like, I just don't understand. Can you in that moment, come up with a feeling in your body of like, not really not being able to understand something? And then can you without feeling say, I've been there, I get that. Right instead of, well, maybe if you just focused or remember, you're in here till you're gonna miss recess, if you if you can't, it's like, if you can come at kids with empathy and warmth, that immediately relaxes their brain. And their brain receives that safety cue of like, even if I don't get the math, like if a lion showed up, this lady would probably protect me. Right like that takes their brain into into I'm safe mode. And once you're in safe mode, you can be in think mode, right? We can't get there unless we're really able to speak with empathy. And you can say to a kid, like I get it, I've like when I was a kid, like, you know, you can, you can say that you get it. But unless you've really had an experience recently, and you're feeling that when you say it, they're not actually going to connect with you. And so having adults who have all of these recent memories of Yeah, I feel that you can say that with such power and empathy in that moment that really allows kids to let their guard down to be like, Yeah, I don't need to stop, I can stop pretending that I know everything. Because I don't need to know everything in order to have value in this environment and in this relationship. And I think that's probably the number one thing we can do for kids in in learning in our educational environments that we're building and supporting today is make their brains feel safe. And we can do that so powerfully through our adult child relationships. I
Ned Johnson:often use this language with kids, especially math, because that's what usually gets most because work in memory. So foul up by stress, say to the kids, sort of two things. One, I'm 100% confident that you can get good at this, you know, if you want to, if you want to, you're under no obligation to give a rat's patootie about math. Like with your day, you can drop math, if you want to write funny people who navigate life, and then when force is taken off the table, then it actually makes them tend to want to do it more. Because it's now something they can be a place for something they want to do not something they have to. And because most of the work that I do with kids is standardized tests. And of course, there's a whole virus around the bad stuff. What I'll say to students is, I am completely confident that it's not a matter of whether you can get the score that you want. It's only a matter of when it's only a matter of when. And so I can imagine this in the same thing, I'm completely confident that you're gonna be able to figure this stuff out over time, maybe with some support. It's not a matter of whether you can get this it's just a matter of when, and I'm not in a hurry, I'm and if you're if you're in a hurry, let me know how I can help. I want to I want to come to Punta Cana wax, this
Kaity Broadbent:is so fun to see all of the wheels turning in everyone's brains, and it's great to see them go back into their microspores with so much more work than care. It's amazing.
Ned Johnson:So So let me ask one final question for parents who don't have their kids in the kind of school that Brenda, is who were kids may be having a very different experience, and they're feeling pressured a lot, or parents are feeling pressured a lot. What kinds of advice do you have for parents about how to help their kids navigate learning environments that may not always be as supportive and warm? As you you know, describe it?
Kaity Broadbent:Yeah, definitely. And I think that that's such an important factor, because the world is not a warm squishy place, right. And so they do need to understand how to handle the world when it is not warm and squishy. But because you can be like you've created a place of safety. You'll probably know the the citation on this, but there was a huge adolescent study 90,000 participants that said, like the the one determining factor of whether or not a child was going to involve themselves in risky behavior, or like be academically successful, whether or not they had one caring adult in their life that like had their back no matter what. So you can be that adult, right, and you're not responsible for, you know, their entire life experience, every time they walk out your door, you're responsible for building that influence in that relationship when you're with them. And then, so another thing that's coming to my mind is that stress is really only a negative has a negative impact on the brain, if it's processed alone. So if they can come home and be like, here's what happened at school today. And I feel like I have a safe place to be like, my teacher said this and I felt like that wasn't fair. And I this happened. And you can help them process that and they feel like you will listen to them and you will not judge them and you will not correct their thinking, oh my gosh, the other day. This is a non example. I was taking my son to wrestling. And he was like, hey, I really like wrestling. Like I just it's hard and and my like instinct about hard work and diligence. Like, pops into my brain and like, gotta do things that we don't love. And you know, it's good for you and like I went to lecture mode and he was just quiet for a minute looked out the window. He's like, feel like I'm trying to tell you My feelings and you're not really listening. Wow. Like, thank you that I've created a at least I lost that moment, right. But I am able to in other instances where I have won that battle, created enough safety, where he's able to advocate for himself and tell me that to get me back on the right road, like, Hey, Mom, usually you're a safe place for me to like, be myself and like, really share my thoughts and feelings. And right now, like you're missing, and I need you to not be missing. I did
Ned Johnson:Yes. As a parent that you have, that his default setting is this is what I should get from my mom. Yeah. And so that is, you know, that, that love block, you know, glued to the table. It's not moving. It's like, you're getting a little wobbly there, lady.
Kaity Broadbent:Exactly. Yes. And as an 11 year old to be able to say that I think is really powerful. But But kids don't often feel like they they're so used to, like, oh, that's what you should get. That's what I deserve. That's what that's the normal adult response is like criticism or judgment of like, some sort of character flaw, either I'm lazy, or I'm, like, get distracted. Like, there's something wrong with me, essentially, if my life is not going well. I have a really hard time with empathy. And so this is, like when I was 15, my best friend broke up with her boyfriend. And she was crying and wanting me to like listen to all this, like emotional music with her. And I'm just like, I was like, Look, lady, everything you're experiencing right now is the direct result of decisions you've made. And I don't feel bad for you at all. As a 15 year old, best friends
Ned Johnson:and best friends at age 16.
Kaity Broadbent:We weathered that storm. Yes, I think she was used to that for me, unfortunately. So I have if you're listening, and you're thinking, like, I could never do that, like I'm not like good at feelings or whatever, like, you can absolutely become someone who listens, and who asks questions, right. And that's essentially what our kids need from us, they need to feel like, wow, there's a safe place here for me to get my inside world outside. And that's going to help my brain process any sort of stress or trauma or like coldness of the world, right? And if you don't give it to them, they're going to find it somewhere else, which is going to give the somewhere else, the more influence. We talked about peers and things like that. Are you familiar with Gordon Neufeld, where the Neufeld Institute Yeah, so he talks about adult attachment, adult child attachment, and then peer attachment, and how it's very normal for teenagers to individuate and things like that. But but we've taken, what's really happening is complete peer attachment where I don't care at all, like mom and dad, teachers, you've never been a safe place for me, but my other 14 year old friend will be a safe place for me. So I'm gonna give them I'm gonna put all of my influence eggs in their basket. And then, you know, next week when they decide they're not my friend, all my eggs are gonna break and I'm gonna be an emotional mess. And that's been a really negatively impact my emotional well being. But we've called that normal. And Gordon Neufeld says what is common is not actually normal, you know. And there's kind of an analogy I like to use of, like, if we're all a bunch of adults standing along a riverbank, and we're all scooping up a fish, and we're holding the fish out of the water. And the fish are either like fighting really hard, or like maybe some of them have just kind of given up and they're limp. And we're all thinking like, is this normal? And so we're looking down the river at all of the other adults holding fish out of water. Yeah. And they're like, Yeah, minds doing that, too. That's normal. It's like, oh, no, no, this is common. Because we've taken the fish out of the water, we're not giving them relatedness, competence and autonomy. And they're either they've either given up, or they're fighting really hard to get back in the water. And we're thinking, Oh, that's must be normal teenage behavior. But it's not, we really need to put them back in the water, make sure that the learning or learning environments that we're putting them in, and the homes that we're creating for them are really nurturing those three aspects, and then they won't fight and they won't give up. And they'll be able to actually progress or swim, like some distance will be able to cover some ground.
Ned Johnson:Beautifully said, I appreciate you sharing that your don't hold yourself as kind of a natural empath. Because your your sensitivity to what kids need is readily apparent. And you're so skilled of that. It certainly suggests that that any of us can can develop the tools to meet those needs, even if it's not something that if it's not, those aren't the first thoughts or first words that jump to mind for you. And I'll offer folks is one thought in our second book, what he is saying, We referenced the work of a guy named Ron McGann, who uses his version of reflective listening, which is kind of the foundational tool of all psychology with the acronym of wigging and Wiegand is what I got is and the idea is simply this if you go back to being a guide or a consultant as Katie and I were talking about earlier, that it's not logic that calms hard feelings. It's my as a as an adult or as a child when we're feeling like someone else is really trying Hard to understand my perspective and how I'm experiencing it. And often we feel to be helpful to someone who's struggling, we have to know what the answers are, say just the right thing. And curiously, if you just can give the sense that I'm working really hard, I'm listening to try to understand your perspective. That alone, calms hard feelings and brings that prefrontal cortex back on line by which kids can then often or spouses for that matter can be flexible in their thinking, and including their emotional thinking and put themselves into a better frame of mind. And so he describes his Wigand is what I got is, and so you know, go back to your son, so. So what I'm hearing is, you know, you're you're not so excited to go to wrestling today, and frankly, been kind of frustrated about it for a while, and it's not as fun as it was. And you know, the coach has been kind of barky. And you're losing all your matches, because you're reading with a group of kids who are all eight pounds heavier than you. And it's just not that fun to go and kind of get pancaked week after week. Is that Is that about right? And that alone is likely to make oh my god, at least someone get understands how annoying This is. The reality is, he probably has all those frustrations, but still has reasons to want to go and do it. Because they are his friends, they are kind of cool, he's going to get a trophy or whatever that he's going to get or thinks he's gonna get out of it. And when we validate those frustrations, because kids are probably ambivalent, he also knows I work harder I get good at things i It's good for me to learn to put up with things are hard. Those are things are already probably on his head. And that when you validate the part, that's hard, it kind of takes that it kind of neutralized that a little bit because you still wrestling.
Kaity Broadbent:He is still wrestling. And so another good analogy here that drives that point home is that like, when you're talking to a friend, and they don't hear what you say, what do you do? You say it louder. So if, if if a kid is trying to tell you something, and you're not demonstrating message receive, they're just going to escalate until they've escalated. And then they're slamming doors, and then there's yelling, and then there's aggression like, so essentially, when kids escalate, our interpretation should not be like, Whoa, they're out of control. Or like, they're so disrespectful. It's like, wow, they they've been trying to tell me something for a really long time. And they don't feel heard. They're getting louder, right, as
Ned Johnson:Tina Payne Bryson would say, all behavior is communication. Exactly.
Kaity Broadbent:Yeah. I want to share, you know, we're talking about me not being an empathetic person. And I think that my drive to create this change in the world really comes from like this whole, what I got out of that, you know, you can ask yourself that question about every interaction you have with a child, right? What did they get out of that interaction. And so for me, when I grew up, I was the youngest of six kids. And some of my oldest siblings are like valedictorians like like, very, very good at school. And I was the youngest solid B plus kid never was able to get the spring home with straight A's, right? So when I was in college, I was a junior in college, and I finally got straight A's for the first time. And I, my dad came to visit me and I showed him my report. I was like, Dad, I got straight A's. And he said, That's excellent. Katie, I love you. That is the first time my father spoke the words I love you to me. So I am super passionate about creating more and more adult child relationships that aren't merit based. Because the home every every behavior that I ever did, was to earn that man's love, and I never got it until I brought home straight A's, which was a thing that was really hard for me, if I had gotten that, you know, if I brought home straight A's in fourth grade, maybe I would have been a very different person. But I think we can do a lot of damage. And we can do a lot of good, you know, if we if we can see this aspect of adult child interaction, if we're if we're really able to see our role clearly in it. And I think a lot of that is it's very cloudy for a lot of us to really see what our role is and like what it means to be a successful future successful. Parent.
Ned Johnson:Thanks for sharing that story. That's I wish that little Katie had a different experience. Right? I mean, yes. Approval. I mean, his his love block was sliding all over the place, get thrown out the window, taken out the trash. Oh, shoot, we got to bring that back out.
Kaity Broadbent:For the for what it's worth, he did love me, right, that man woke up every day and went to work, to put food on the table and to keep a roof over my head. And he did love me. But it's the what the child perceives that really made the difference, right. And so when we when we lead with empathy and and lean into listening, I think that we can really understand our relationships with our kids better. And then we can come to that table with a lot more power and influence. And that's what we want instead of control.
Ned Johnson:So let me ask one last question. Where can people follow you because boy, I got this conversation, and was fortunate to have the chance to be on your podcast. So for people who are inspired by this and what you're doing as a thought leader and as a leader at your school, what's the best way for people to catch up with what you're doing?
Kaity Broadbent:Any social media platforms? So the Instagram we are at prenda learn. We also have a podcast called The kindled podcast so you can find that prenta.com/podcast Or any podcast provider. And then if you want to learn more about what prenta does and how we set up these environments just go to partner.com Katie
Ned Johnson:Broadbent, she is Chief empowerment advocate at Brenda, the head of Learning Adventure Kate prenta, calm bad cop in late in life Empath, and I would just say educational badass, so you're the best. Thank you for your time.
Kaity Broadbent:Thank you. This has been fun.
Ned Johnson:Hey, folks, Ned here. Over the past 25 years, I've talked to countless parents of high school aged students who care deeply about their kids education and how they deal with stress and the pressure to succeed. He can help parents to work with a team they trust won't just pile on more pressure to achieve better scores and grades. That's why I founded prep matters in 1997 to create a different kind of experience for test preparation and academic tutoring. This podcast and my books with my friend Bill structured reflect our company philosophy and approach to helping students. If you have a high school age student, and we'd like to talk about putting a plan together, please get in touch with us, visit our website at prep matters.com. Or while your kids may only text you might want to actually talk with a person. If so, you can reach us at 301-951-0350